Toronto Maple Leafs Humour

Hoping to make all these jokes seem silly, but still have to laugh at the humour at the expense of the Leafs

J: How many Leafs does it take to change a light bulb?
L: One … and there’s nothing funny about it.

J: The O.P.P. are cracking down on speeders heading into Toronto.
For the first offense,they give you two Toronto Maple Leaf tickets.
If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

J: What do you call 30 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup
Playoffs?
L: The Toronto Maple Leafs

J: How do you keep the Toronto Maple Leafs out of your yard?
L: Put up a goal net.

J: What do you call a Toronto Maple Leaf with a Stanley Cup ring?
L: Thief.

J: How many Toronto Maple Leafs does it take to win a Stanley Cup?
L: Nobody knows and we may never find out.

J: What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and possums have in common?
L: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

J: What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
L: They both look good until they hit the ice!

J: What’s the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and the Toronto Maple Leafs?
L: Frequent Flyer Miles earn points.

J: Why do Maple Leafs fans drink from a saucer?
L: Because the cup’s always in Detroit!

J: Why did the Maple Leafs enforcer retire early?
L: He was ice fishing and got run over by the zamboni!

J: Why don’t the Maple Leafs drink tea?
L: Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.

J: What do you call 5 Toronto Maple Leafs players standing ear to ear?
L: A wind tunnel.

J: Why are the Maple Leafs like grizzly bears?
L: Every fall they go into hibernation.

J: What does a recent high school dropout and the Toronto Maple Leafs have in common?
L: They’re both young, have no goals and no good prospects.

J: Why do the Maple Leafs fail at geometry?
L: Because they never have any points.

J: What do college students and the Maple Leafs have in common?
L: They’ve both finished their year by April.

J: What do a fine wine and the Toronto Maple Leafs have in common?
L: They both spend a lot of time in the cellar, cost too much and are only enjoyed on select occasions.

J: Why is the Hockey Hall Of Fame in Toronto?
L: It’s the only way Leafs fans can get to see the Stanley Cup!

J: What song do Toronto Maple Leafs fans sing before the end of the third period?
L: Nobody knows. There’s never any of them left.

J: Why did the little boy take his hockey stick up into a tree?
L: He wanted to play with the Maple Leafs.

J: How many Toronto Maple Leafs does it take to change a tire?

L: One, unless it’s a blowout, in which case they all show up

J: What do you call 23 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Finals?
L: The Toronto Maple Leafs.

J: How can you tell if a Maple Leafs fan just sent you a fax?
L: There’s a stamp on it!

J: If you have a car containing a Maple Leafs forward, a Maple Leafs center, and a Maple Leafs defender, who is driving the car?
L: The cop.

Q. How did the Toronto Maple Leafs fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

J: What does an Toronto Maple Leafs fan do when his team has won the Stanley Cup?
L: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

J: How many Toronto Maple Leafs fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
L: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

J: Why doesn’t Windsor have a professional hockey team?

L: Because then Toronto would want one.

J: Did you hear that Toronto’s hockey team doesn’t have a website?
L: They can’t string three “Ws” together.

J: Why did BP hire the Toronto Maple Leafs to clean up the Gulf oil spill?
L: Because they’ll go out there and throw in the towel!

J: What’s the difference between the Toronto Raptors and the Toronto Maple Leafs?
L: The Raptors shoot at a net.

J: Why are the Toronto Maple Leafs like Canada Post?
L: They both wear uniforms and don’t deliver!

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